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The Green Kind

Hey Mamas,

Sandra here.  I want to get real for a minute, shall we?

It’s the New Moon, which is a time of planting new things. It’s a fresh start – the time women would typically start their new cycle, start bleeding. The time to start herbal tinctures and plant seeds. To be honest, this feels like a waste of time for me right now.  New seeds??  New seeds?? I can’t seem to get the ones I already planted to grow! Nothing seems to be taking root, nothing seems to be sprouting.  It’s a season of struggle for sure in many areas of my life.  (And if we’re honest, isn’t there always one area that is in the middle of some kind of struggle?)  The details aren’t even that important.

I know you can relate.  Is it trying to get pregnant for you? Does the idea of trying One. More. Time. just fill you with dread? Are you afraid everyday for the fragile life that you might be carrying?

Maybe it’s pregnancy.  You know that technically there’s your baby, your future, growing inside of you, but mostly it feels like inconvenience, pain, sleeplessness, discomfort, fear, exhaustion. It’s dragging.  Most of the time it feels like it’s getting worse, not growing something amazing.

Maybe your babies are here.  Maybe they’re even grown.  You’ve done all this work to help them grow and grow yourself and you feel like those seeds must have gotten washed away with the last storm.  Where’s the progress?  Why does everything feel hard?

Mama, I’m with you. More than you know. 

Let me join you there, in that place.  Not in a join-the-pity-party kind of way, but in a real, let’s be honest, this is how it is kind of way.

I watched a sermon the other day where the pastor brilliantly talked about the place between denial and despair.  It’s called destiny.  If we deny the reality of things, we’re not optimists, we’re crazy.  If I pretended that I was feeling awesome through my whole twin pregnancy for the sake of protecting my image to clients – that’s just a lie.  On the other hand is despair.  If I just spiraled downward into a hole and gave up hope that God could or would do anything beautiful through that experience, I’d kill any chance for growth – despair.

The place in the middle is destiny.  The place in the middle is where the seeds eventually bloom.  Where the winter eventually ends and something starts to look green.  Where the joy we’ve been fighting so hard to hold onto fills us with energy and we take one more step and finally see a breakthrough.

Take one more step, mama.

You can do it.  I’ll do it with you. Plant more seeds.  Wait on the planted ones.  Water them with your tears – of sadness and of joy.  Try One. More. Time.  God’s moving in the seasons when it looks like nothing is happening or ever will. How long ago did I plant that seed of hope for a baby? That seed of health for myself? Who even remembers at this point?  Don’t give up the hope.   God is a God of green hope.  There’s a future for you – your health, your family – even if it seems like it’s buried under a lot of *shit* right now.

Happy New Moon Mamas,  See you at Harvest time. 🙂

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